Yahnny Adolfo San Luis
April 02, 2021
 

It was the height of summer for one of Philly’s biggest triathlons. The hot asphalt really sucked!

I could hear the officials blowing their whistles and orders blaring over radios for medical staff to rush to the scene.

Moments earlier, the 40mph (64kph) descent on a 12% grade hill involved a nervous man and a flash of sudden realization that he was going to mismanage the left-hand turn at the bottom. He needed to lean more into the turn to avoid swinging far to the right. Instead, he sat up, went wide, and I made the split-second decision to take a fall rather than to roll down an embankment next to a river. Blood soaked into my torn kit and road rash burned through big chunks of my arm and thigh. The officials were brandishing signals cautioning other athletes to avoid the crash site. The other athlete? Well, he took off and I never discovered his exact identity. The officials gave the green light to continue. Adrenaline was cranking on the last stretch to the bike finish. But I still had to run 6.2mi (10km) on asphalt that was getting hotter by the hour. With a blood-soaked kit, I collapsed at the finish line for dehydration and open wounds.

Racing was a major part of my life. I did what was necessary to protect it. This meant having to choose one sport over others. It was mainly because triathlon was time-consuming and required all body parts to be in tip-top shape for swim-bike-run.

Jim Brower, one my closest friends and former roommate is a CAT 1 mountain biker. He found a bike that we could use for a day. It was a bit big for me but learning from him was non-negotiable. I happily accepted the ill-fit for a play date on bikes with my good friend.

Wow!

After that day, I realized how much I was missing out on the gnarlier and grittier side of cycling. I loved it! But a pressing issue hung in the balance – continue racing triathlon at an elite level or take a chance with the inevitable accidents associated with mountain biking. As a business owner, I also had to think about missing time from work. The privilege of racing did not pay the bills. Those who were in the same boat as I had other jobs to sustain the responsibilities of an adult life.

I am retired now from racing at the elite level. There are joys to being a recreational athlete – no pressure from sponsors, not having to wake up at 4:30AM, and having time for other hobbies and a personal life.

Years after that first ride with Jim, I have returned to mountain biking with my partner Erik who has been teaching me a few tricks and skills. Yet, a few mental challenges still need TLC. For instance, I must tackle the noise in my head about breaking bones – again. If I had to run down a list of all the broken bones and how much time it took to heal, the list would wrap around a city block with a quarter of my life span dedicated to reparation.

I turn forty-three this month. Healing does not come as quickly as it used to and the noise in my head is even louder.  

The questions dance around like screaming banshees.

Should I take chances, or do I play it safe?

When does the desire for courage outweigh the benefits of the result?

This can lead to a mental mind fuck.

For me, the hardest part is facing the fear head on.
 

The bike crash from years ago during that summer triathlon was not the beginning of my fears. It started a few years prior with a car accident that took six years for full recovery. Every fall or potential accident manifested into a tailspin.

It weighed heavily on my chest.

Will I be able to drive again?

Will I be able to have the courage to be amongst other drivers?

A couple years after the car accident, I was able to sit long enough in one position.

I knew it. It was time. Keys in the ignition. The engine started. I counted to ten and released the brake.

That day it was drizzling like the day of the car accident. The turn signal blinked to the left – I was entering the highway. My heartrate was redlining. White knuckling all the way to the next exit, tears welled up as I headed back home.

I was afraid at first, but I did it!

Day after day, I repeated the task until the fear subsided.

I started a new job that year and needed inspiration. A mentor turned me onto Brian Tracey, motivational public speaker extraordinaire who has authored over eighty books that have been translated into countless languages. His teachings diminished some of the PTSD. They also helped me to become a better entrepreneur, athlete, social advocate, and solo traveler. As a woman, how could I not be overly cautious? Pushing past the fear has opened doors to cultures and ideas that have broadened my overall appreciation for the connective tissue we have with one another regardless of ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic status, and geographical location.
 

Pushing past the noise in your head can be daunting at first.

How do you know when it is the right time to push?

For me, the push is based on one thing – intuition.

I trust it.

Erik was flying on a single-track descent. Man, he was whipping, and I found myself filled with envy.

Will I ever look like that? Calm and gazelle-like?

There were a few rides when I left all inhibitions behind, but something was nagging me with this descent. I stopped at the top, held my breath, and backed out. I imagined flying over the handlebars, cracking my front teeth, and a few broken body parts to top it all off.

The next time we rode that same descent, I did not bat an eyelash. I did not even realize that it was the same one until I we finished the ride.

Here is the takeaway: you will have another chance to do the thing that you could not have imagined doing before. Do not underestimate the power of your intuition because you may not have a second chance if you ignore it. Your intuition will let you know when you are ready. When it is go time, repeatedly push past the noise in your head until the fear diminishes into nothing.

This is cracking catastrophic thinking.

Our daily lives are filled with shit that sits on our chests. We cannot ignore our new reality as we work to rebuild. One of the best ways to cope is to offer each other support and to connect in ways we may have taken for granted before the pandemic. This is how to deal with the issue head-on. There is no denying that we will continue to have challenges ahead of us. The best possible solution is to keep going with each other’s support.

This too is cracking catastrophic thinking.

We were riding on a gravel road for a friend’s super cool event last weekend. Moments earlier for about 30 miles (48 kilometers), it was smooth sailing.

Curled into a ball on the dirt road, I was wincing in pain after landing on my knee. The tires stuck into a rut. Adrenaline surging and happy vibes with the present company, we were back on the road again in no time flat.

All comes full circle. No broken bones. It is just part of riding. Do it enough times, you are bound to hit a bump or two.

That is all.